Do you feel your 9/11 experience was so difficult because at the time you were a tourist, pretty unfamiliar with the city, left all alone to fend for yourself? I was alone in a BIG city that had just exploded in front of my eyes.  I couldn’t return to my hotel to re-connect in some way with my belongings.  I didn’t know anybody, really, and I had to find my way home.  Dr. Brophy, my doctor, termed it “abandoned”.  This is to me the Crux of the story – I was from out of town and felt so terrified, so alone.

You wrote in your book, Character of the Soul, that you witnessed people leaping to their deaths from a hundred stories up. What were you thinking as you saw this happening?I hate remembering this. My peripheral vision was dark and I thought I was in a movie theatre. I remember comforting myself and saying, “You’re in a movie theater. The movie will be ending soon.” I couldn’t move and stared out the window. I saw machinery, cabinets, and reams of paper falling from the sky, flying out of windows and floating or crashing to the ground. And some other things were falling out of the Twin Tower and kind of like fluttering. I couldn’t take my eyes off these things. Whatever they were, they were moving, flapping in the air as they plunged to the ground. I had no idea at the time that people were jumping out of the tower and leaping to their death. I think I just didn’t allow myself to think it, really. 

Did you ever fear for your own life?Oh, my GOD, yes! Several times. Once when I had barely fallen asleep I was awakened by loud sirens. It was about 11:00 at night. I walked to the window and looked out. I saw a stream of police cars and fire trucks barreling down the street in single file, all heading toward the Twin Towers, or so I thought. I crawled back into bed and tried to sleep, but couldn’t. I sat up in bed and turned on the TV. A reporter announced that there was a bomb threat at the Empire State Building. My heart just about exploded with fear and I panicked. “How did the terrorists find me?” I asked myself. “I thought by coming to this hotel I was safe. Now they’re getting closer to me.” Frantic, I said to myself, “I don’t know where to go from here!” I grabbed the sheets and pulled them up to my neck, curled up tightly in bed and sat in the darkness, feeling desperate and lonely.

You actually saw, right before your eyes, Tower Two explode as the plane assaulted it. Can you describe what you felt at that moment?I was looking at Tower Two seconds before it exploded and I thought how calm and serene it appeared next to Tower One. Then in a blink of an eye it exploded! There was a tremendous, loud explosion. I jumped out of my skin! I remember seeing only darkness around me except for the explosion. I thought I was in a movie theater. I thought I was watching a movie. A Bruce Willis movie. The remarkably beautiful clear blue sky from the morning disappeared – poof! -- replaced with pitch-black smoke, ash, and orange clouds. Long, fierce, thick flames blasted out from the Tower. The floors above and below where the plane hit appeared unharmed. The damaged portion of the tower was indistinguishable. I couldn’t move. I was mesmerized. I don’t know how long I stood there hypnotized from what I’d just seen.

What did it feel like, fleeing the area of the burning buildings with your body covered in ash, wandering lost with no place to go, no sense of what was happening, or where you would end up? I had no idea that there was ash on me. I only noticed it on other people. At times I knew where I was. But I can’t describe how I ended up walking right back toward the Towers; I thought I’d walked away from them. It wasn’t until the policeman stopped me that I realized how close I was to being back where I started. He handed me a mask, and told me to turn around, and walk the other way because the Towers were collapsing.  While wandering in the streets, I had one thought and one thought only: It was to use my cell phone and call my husband. Thoughts about where I would end up that night hadn’t crossed my mind yet.

You were fortunate enough to befriend helpful strangers, including one woman who helped lead you to a friend’s office so you could phone home. Were you surprised at how involved and supportive other people were to you?Looking back, I don’t think I was able to process the care and support helpful strangers gave me. I was already traumatized and moving in and out of reality and into survivor-mode. My thought is that I was and looked desperate. I’m sure despair could be seen and heard in my voice. These angels involved themselves in my care. The character of their souls compelled them to come to my rescue.

You ended up being trapped in New York City for three days after 9/11. Where did you stay and how did you survive?It wasn’t until I arrived at Shelly’s office and I saw her being greeted by her co-workers that I realized that I didn’t know where I would sleep that night. I was allowed to go sit in an office and call my family. After getting through the tears and trying to calm down, my husband asked me what was I going to do. I said “I don’t know.” After several futile attempts to contact hotels (the phone lines were wildly iffy) I called Vincent back. He called the Marriott Marquis Hotel because I had been staying at a Marriott Hotel in the Financial District and could not return. It turned out if I walked to the hotel the hotel would let me stay there. From that point on, all I could think of was leaving the office and walking to the hotel as quickly as possible. The thought of losing out from getting a room for the night was more than I could bear! I had to leave now. I walked 82 blocks that day and remained in the hotel for the next three days.

With the airports closed and lots of chaos and pain and fear all around you, your family came to the rescue by driving around the clock from Texas to pick you up. Were you surprised they did that for you?Honestly, the answer is no and yes. My beautiful family is a caring family. My husband had to hold my daughter Erica back from wanting to jump in the car and drive to New York the same day right after she heard about the terrorists attacking the Twin Towers. At one point, I had even said to them that I should be leaving New York the next day. That there was no need for them to drive to New York. But as the cancelled flights became more frequent and bomb threats were now constantly being reported the more scared I got and I had the strangest feeling of losing ground. My family picked up on my instability and knew they couldn’t stay at home any longer. When I first learned from my husband that they were coming to take me back home I broke down in tears. I was losing my strength and will to keep going. Then in a quick change of mind, or simply again a “survivor-moment,” maybe so I didn’t have to think about anything else, I knew I needed to find some clothes to change into. I didn’t want them to see me the way I looked at that moment. I had been looking for something to change into but with to luck. Now it didn’t matter what I found, as long as it was clean and fit me. I remember thinking over and over “my family is coming for me.” FOR ME! I couldn’t wait to see them.

How did it feel to finally be reunited with your husband and two daughters after witnessing such an event?It was a moment I’ll never forget for the rest of my life. It was a long, rough drive for them driving from Texas to New Jersey. They took turns driving. I was tormented that they had to drive so far, plus it bothered me that Vincent was suffering from depression. I didn’t know if the drive would be too much for him. But the girls told me that they were keeping an eye on him. Even with this added concern I still knew I couldn’t return home without them.  I saw Patsy first. She hugged and kissed me and I hugged and kissed her back. Then I saw Erica and we hugged and kissed. I told them how much I missed them. For me it was like a dream, holding my daughters in my arms. I’m not sure I was fully in touch with what was going on. But I think so. I told them how much I missed them. Then I asked “Where’s Dad?” “He’s parking the car.” I ran out to the car to find him. When he saw me he wrapped his strong arms around me. The tears ran down my face. I didn’t want to ever leave those protective arms again. Vincent told me he would never let me go. My head was swirling. I felt euphoric and yet felt nothing at the same time. I could not understand what I was feeling.

Immediately on your way home, you began to write about your experience for hours at a time. Why did you write the book and why did it take so long to get published?Several times during the drive home I volunteered to help drive. Everyone was so gracious and said they weren’t tired and wanted to drive. I believed them. So I moved to the back seat. Sitting there looking out the window a firm but strong little voice kept saying “write down what you saw. Write down what you experienced.  Write, write, write. Don’t try to make sense out of it.” So I did just that. Why it took me so long to get it published is because when I thought I had a finished manuscript, I realized I didn’t. Every time I revised it, I added some new detail I had not been able to express early on, however I didn’t realize that at the time. By the time I churned out the sixth revision, I was able to write about the fear and panic I’d felt. While writing down these feelings and the tears flowing down my cheeks I hoped I could write down the emotions I was dealing with at that moment, for the reader.

What message do you want to leave people with your book, Character of the Soul?To inspire. To show the strength of my character under the most shocking, devastating, and unimaginable circumstances. Going from a happy-go-lucky tourist to survivor-mode in a matter of just minutes. More importantly, I had the courage to write the book. I want to educate and inform everyone about what I witnessed and survived. I have a strong, gripping story about what happened to me, and to those people I met through the four days of trying to find my way out of New York City. And I want to tell others how this book has stirred the emotions of so many of those who have already read it. I also want people to love life and know how aware I became of the boundless love my family had for me, to guide me during that week, and finally bring me back home. The book was written and dedicated to my family and friends for the love and support they gave me during that unforgettable day and week of September 11, 2001. I also need to publicly acknowledge the strangers, who are now friends, who came to my aid and rescue, simply because it was clear I needed help.

How did the events of 9/11 and what you witnessed change your life, both in your views and your actions?It left me with a lonely and frightening struggle to make sense of what had happened. My recovery period has been long and difficult; I am still under a doctor’s care. 9/11 was a cruel reminder of how quickly the hold or control we think we have on our lives can disappear in a heartbeat. I needed to write about my experiences in New York on 9/11. This was a historical event in my life and for America.

What advice would you give to other people who experience some type of ordeal, even if not at the level of your experience?To seek help and not to be ashamed to ask for it. No one ever knows how they’ll truly act during a surprising assault. Everyone is affected differently.

You were in New York City at the time on a business trip from your home in Dallas, Texas. Have you been back to the city since then, and if so, how did it feel to return? I returned to New York on the anniversary of September 11, 2002. I wanted to be back in New York especially on that day. Back in Texas I felt isolated and cut off from being with those friends who were there to help me but who also knew what I was experiencing back home by myself. It was difficult for anyone to relate to what I was feeling. The thought of flying to New York frightened me, but my need to hug and be hugged by my guardian angels was worth it to me.

Has America fully healed from this tragedy? I don’t believe so. If anything, as strong as our country is, it is still vulnerable to terrorists, to anyone who wishes us ill. The fact that the individuals responsible for the destruction that occurred on September 11, 2001, remain at large is mind-boggling and difficult to accept.

You now run your own travel agency, ISD Cruises. Did your passion for travel wane or endure as a result of 9/11?Both. After returning from New York I was incapable of operating the travel agency. Plus, I had acquired a fear of flying. My family stepped in and managed the agency. Today I don’t fly as often as I used to, but I’m comfortable with it again. As far as the travel agency is concerned, it made it through the test of time and my husband and I still operate it.

Do you feel America is safer today and that the nation’s security is satisfactory?America is a powerful yet vulnerable country, as are most countries. What it boils down to is that we are all humans and we make mistakes. Whether the nation’s security is satisfactory I don’t know.  Does anyone know?  Really know for sure?

Carmen, what type of memorial do you believe should be erected, to honor the death and destruction of that horrific day?I’ve asked myself that over and over again. I feel very strongly about the memorial that is to be erected. Personally I feel it should be designed like a museum. A shrine. Ground Zero. Where one can come and contemplate and view first-hand what happened here on September 11, 2001. A reminder that nothing like this should happen again! The heart and soul where all or one can come to heal the hole in the soul. To feel re-connected and bonded with this event that brought us all closer to one another.

You describe in Character of the Soul, what it was like to see the huge and magnificent World Trade Center, just days before 9/11. Please share with us how amazing the Towers were.Huge monoliths. Walking inside the Towers was like bringing the outdoors inside because of all the glass walls. Inside the towers I felt this airy, bright, uplifting feeling. I was awed by the Towers and had never been in a building with such prestige and elegance. My view of them while standing at the window before the explosion was “WOW!” As large as they were and even though I was a few blocks away from them I felt like I could reach out and touch them because they took up my entire view. Today I have such an attachment to the Towers. I often feel like they’re mine. My Towers. As if I owned them. I know this may sound strange, but at one point during 9/11 I took possession of the Towers. I don’t know when, but I did.

In the days leading to 9/11 you got to see New York City as a tourist. You write about seeing Chinatown, Times Square, Little Italy, the Empire State Building and other sites and attractions. What kind of contrast was that, to go one day from seeing the best of the nation’s biggest city, to the next day, seeing death, tragedy, and pain on one of America’s saddest days ever?Going from a happy-go-lucky tourist to survivor-mode in a matter of just minutes occurred so quickly I am unable to pinpoint when I experienced the change. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine I would experience that most shocking, devastating, and unimaginable thing. But once I did, there was never again a moment that I can remember that I thought about that carefree individual enjoying the beautiful city of New York. When she exited I have no idea. It was some time before that carefree individual and the survivor became one again. By that time I had the courage to publish the book.